So while John and I were in Bellefonte yesterday I left my wallet at his parents house. Yes, I know, I suck. I wouldn’t have even realized it until this morning had his mom not texted me and mentioned that it was there. Luckily his dad is working on the new state police barracks that are being built, a lot closer to us than driving the entire way back to Bellefonte. The thing that sucks is that I had pretty much no gas in my car, which made things even worse. So John woke up early and took me to get my wallet and then took me to work just because it made things easier, and he loves me of course 😉 Haha but of course, on our way to get my wallet we made the decision to go get breakfast, little did we know that John forget to get his money out of his other clothes. He finally realize when he was about to pay for the food we ordered. With him being the person that he is, he told them that he was going to get money and then he’d be back. This made us even later than we already were. I knew that when I fell back asleep this morning that I was going to be late for work, but I was ridiculously comfortable and I didn’t actually care enough to get up. The value that I have been placing on sleep these past few days has been far beyond what it normally consists of.
Work was pretty typical. There wasn’t really anything interesting that happened at all. I apparently listed a camera on ebay a while back that supposedly had a charger with it. This charger, and it’s USB cable, were never actually sent with the camera. Weird thing was it was all in a box. I searched through all of the extra chargers and things we keep in the store, but I didn’t find one of the ones that I was looking for anywhere. I even went to the extent of searching through the chargers and other cables that I keep in my desk drawer, just for convenience. No where to be found. I’m not sure why it was never sent, and I have absolutely no idea where it would have gone if we had kept it at the store. Somehow I wonder if we will ever figure out what happened to this mysterious disappearing charger. Of course there is always the chance that the guy did get the charger in the first place and is just lying…but who would ever do such a thing….oh yeah, everyone pretty much….Why do people suck so much? The world may never know.
I ended up getting fries from the Texas for dinner since Emily took me home. She ended up taking me home since she was coming back to campus to watch movies and fuck around with her boyfriend thing, not sure what the hell is title actually is. God forbid they actually have the balls to have a conversation to see where they stand with one another. Anyway, they were getting take out from the Texas, so I just called in and picked up an order of fries since she wanted me to go with her to pick it up anyway. The food there isn’t even that good, I’m not really sure why we eat it all the time but we do. At this point it just seems to be habit, but I like it nonetheless. It makes me happy so I don’t plan on questioning it.
I came home, ate my fries and then watched a movie with John. I miss having time to just hang out with him without having ten million things running through my mind. I just wish that I could be capable of doing things like that without constantly thinking of all the random shit that I should be doing. I know, however, that I need to put some effort into my schoolwork before it ends up backfiring on me. The last thing I want is for my grades to be affected by how much I fuck around.
Even just the time I’m spending writing this I could probably be doing something more productive. So then why am I doing it? It makes little sense to me why I spend so much of my time fucking around when I know I have other things that I should be doing. However, it appears to be something that I find necessary, even if it’s just subconsciously, I’m not quite sure why, but it seems to be helpful. Just knowing that I’ve bothered to do simple things like update this or other random activities that won’t really get me anywhere in life: it somehow seems important. I see it constantly, every time that John picks up his laptop he always ends up on facebook or youtube no matter what his original intentions were for getting on the internet in the first place. I just wish that I was capable of structuring my life in such a way that there was no margin for error and that instead of considering this to be a “fucking around” task, it is just a form of scheduled leisurely activity. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like a complete fuck up every time I take the time to do something that isn’t high on my to do list. I mean I’ve got at least a six page paper due, and hell I didn’t even bother going to class today, just because I didn’t really feel that well and I didn’t want to. So basically, I suck. On the bright side I ended up getting an email saying that my first class was canceled anyway, but that really doesn’t help considering even if we had had the class I still wouldn’t have gone anyway. I realize that I easily could have gone to the other two but I just didn’t. I need to get out of this ridiculous habit that I’ve fallen into and I need to do it quickly because the longer that I spend “fucking around” with my days the more depressive I become. I can tell it’s getting worse and my ability to actually care whatsoever about my responsibilities is slowly fading. Something needs to change, but I’m not sure what yet…
I’m so sick at this point that I’m not even sure how I am staying awake. John is sick as well, and I’m not sure which one of us got it first. At least he got to stay home all day and make an attempt at feeling better. I was at work all day, and that was Hell. From about 11 until 2 I was in a constant state of being dizzy and stumbling about, and then it got a little better, but I still felt like I got kicked in the face. At one point I was also lifting laptops above my head so of course the numbness is still bothering me in my right hand, ever since I messed up my shoulder, but it hasn’t ever been this bad before. I’m just hoping it will go away. John bit my hand earlier to see if I could feel it, he claimed he was biting pretty hard, but I couldn’t feel it. That scares me a little, I’m not sure what I should do about it.
Right now I’m waiting for John to come home from work, which always seems like it drags on and on. Then the second he gets back time just starts flying by. It sucks, but at least we have fun with each other. Despite anything that we’ve been through from the miscarriage, to my talking to Mattie, to him cheating on me. I feel like we could get through anything together. He is there for me and I love having him as that person that I turn to whenever something interesting happens or whenever I need something I know that I can count on him to come through for me no matter what.
So I have a ridiculous amount of things that I need to finish today. At the very least most of the apartment is already clean. I do however need to work on John’s computer homework, do my computer homework, go to the bank, finish my health labs, take a quiz, study for the two exams that I missed and am making up on Tuesday, take a movie back that we rented, call my grandparents, get nine volt batteries, and a few other miscellaneous things. All of which I should be working on, but instead I am sitting here updating my blog. Not really sure that this counts as productive, but hey why not.
Not much has happened recently at all. I went back to classes, which is just as pointless as ever. We thought that the fridge was leaking the other day but it turns out that the jugs of water that were on top of the fridge started to leak for whatever reason. So I called my landlord and waited around for a few hours just for him to tell me that I could have handled the problem myself. I need to go to finish cleaning the bank however, since I didn’t finish it Friday night. I probably should have, but I suck, so of course I didn’t finish. Ultimately, however, I just want to sleep. I was going to start my homework last night but I ended up falling asleep on my couch for most of the night. I just have no energy and I cannot stay awake no matter how much I try. I’m really hoping that my mono isn’t starting to act up again. The second I lie my head down I just start drifting off to sleep. My current mission go get some coffee and go clean the stupid bank…
John is currently packing up at Boalsburg since the timeline event ends today. I hope that I can make it work so that I am home and everything is done before he gets back just since I haven’t seen him since Friday morning, but we’ll figure it out either way I guess.
I guess the heads are cracked in my car. Now I am looking at finding a new one, but the only question is, how long will that take.. I really need a car as soon as possible. I feel terrible for having John help me because it just makes things even more inconvenient for him and I know there are a lot more productive or relaxing things he could be doing. However, I am beyond grateful that he is wiling to help me the way that he does. The past few days I have also felt rather nauseous and I am hoping like hell that that feeling goes away quite soon.
I’m just so far overwhelmed with being a broke college kid. I mean school and working are slowly kicking my ass and I’m just not sure how long I can keep going at the pace that I am before everything blows up in my face. I mean if John weren’t here I wouldn’t know what to do and I would probably be planning to scoop my head off. I mean there are certain times when I get in the mindset that I hate my life, which certain aspects I do, but I do have a few very wonderful aspects of my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend but other than that it doesn’t seem like I really have anything else. I used to have friends that were actually around and cared enough to make plans and keep me updated. Anymore though, very few of the people that I used to consider my best friends even speak to me at all, let alone anyone actually wanting to make plans. It just blows my mind on how drastically things can change in a short amount of time and then again how drastically things change over a span of a few years. I am nowhere near the same person that I used to be before everything that has happened in the past few months. It just seems weird to think that the people who we consider our friends can affect us more than we ever imagined. We may not realize it until after, but they can affect everything right down to your outlook on life as a whole. I just wish the people around me didn’t really have an affect on me, but I know that’s asking for a little too much than anyone is going to get.
I just hope things start getting better because this string of terrible luck is starting to get old really quickly and I’m sick of just about everything that has been happening. I need things to start looking up.