Might Be a Hippocritical Bitch

I just finished four chapters worth of homework assignments for my Accounting Information Systems class. I am rather tired at this point but I am really happy that I made the decision to stay up and finish it. Now that is one less thing that I have to worry about for the rest of the semester. Hopefully I can get my 7 page paper finished before too long…if I start it…and then that will also be out of the way. Finding time to do it will be the only issue :o. I also have to go to 14 more hours of theatre meetings before we present our final project on the 26th, which conveniently, is the same day that my paper is due. I just wish that there was some way that I could easily break things down and get them done one by one, but unfortunately multi-tasking and working on things over time seems to be the only way that I have been able to do things lately. For whatever reason all of my stress with school I have been taking out towards John. I’m capable of recognizing that I do it, but no matter how much I try not to it always seems to happen one way or another. I just hope he realizes everything that I have on my schedule and that I am doing it for our future together and that I want the best for us, even if it means I have to put more effort into it now rather than later. I just need this semester to be over, it was not what I expected it to be at all. I’m more worried about his grades at this point than my own but I don’t know what to do to make him want to try for school. There isn’t really much that I can do really. I’ve attempted making him get up and go, but it just isn’t worth it. I hate it there, what’s for me to tell him that he needs to go if I don’t even want to be there myself. That would just make me a hippocritical bitch, and I try to avoid that at all costs. Even as we speak he could be reviewing for his biology test, or doing the comp work that I’ve been doing for him, but instead he’s watching Southpark and (cute as hell) comments about how he hopes that I’m not being too hard on him. Well I hate to break it to him, but I’m sure he’ll probably feel bad about himself after reading this, I know that, and I feel bad, but I’m not going to change the way I view my self and our life together just to make him feel better while reading my blog post. I love him to death and he knows it, but reality is reality. I fuck off a lot too, I can’t really say anything at all. But I just hope that he is happy with me. I’ve been questioning it lately. He seems pretty miserable, but I’m hoping that it’s just me overreacting….I can’t risk losing him just because our lives are stressful or anything else really. If there’s anything I can do to prevent things ending badly I will of course because I want to keep him as long as he wants to be around. I hope to be his wife some day, even though I know that is a long way off it at least gives me something to look forward to. Despite how miserable my life could seem at one point or another I am happy with him. I might not NEED him to survive, but I’m not sure that I’d live happily if he wasn’t in my life now that I’ve known what it’s like to have him with me.

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