Looking into the Darkness

I’m lying here trying to sleep but for some reason sleep just won’t come….i am really starting to think its just because John isn’t here and it’s hard for me to relax. Its so weird to just be lying here in the dark, looking out into the distance, missing him more than I usually do when he isn’t here. At times i think to myself that I shouldn’t move to drastically or I might wake him and then I remember that it doesn’t matter because he isn’t here. I definitely miss him the most at night. I long to have him beside me and just to have him next to me is the most amazing feeling in the world. I know he’s there if I need anything and even if I don’t I still know he’s mine. I know that he’ll keep me safe and and I have nothing to worry about. I’m happy for once which is an astonishing feeling to realize that at the very least I have him and if nothing else he’ll always be there for me. Even on nights like this he attempts to keep me as safe as possible, leaving me access to defensive technology to use at my own discretion if i deem it necessary. I love him more and more with each passing day, time seems to be flying with him in my life, but I’m not sure how to slow things down long enough to enjoy them thoroughly…


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