And the fear heightens

In getting increasingly concerned about John and my’s relationship. It seems like one second we are fine and he is happy and the next everything seems different. I think at this point part of it is me.  I don’t feel attractive whatsoever and I’m far beyond a depressive mess. He used to do things like tell me i was pretty, but that was also before… He doesn’t really do that any more unless we are in the middle of having sex. Occasionally he will but i really don’t feel like i deserve it anyway. On top I’d everything else he spends most of the time he’s with me watching something on the internet, on Facebook, or on x box. I mean yeah there’s times when I’m doing things as well but he does it pretty consistently. I just wish we lived in a different time where things like this didn’t exist. Maybe then i wouldn’t be lying in bed alone crying as i write this all out.  Not only are we mid finals week but for whatever reason I’ve also skipped a period which of course freaks me out since i tend to let John cum inside me. Like any normal human i took a pregnancy test, it came up negative but that still means something isn’t right and i don’t have time for something else to be wrong with me. I love lying in bed talking to John but he always waits until the middle of the night and it’s always when i have something important or early the next day. I just wish i could function on no sleep and be able to ignore the things that aggravate me. I need to be happy, I’m just not sure how to make it happen. I love him more than anything else in my world and i need him beside me. He is my only real motivation and he is what my life is centered  around. There’s a reason i get upset when he’s upset, whether I’m even around or not, and why i can finish his sentences…. He is mine and i wouldn’t change that for anything at all ❤


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