Waiting to start my first biology class of the semester, I’m quite nervous that I’m going to fail miserably… But we’ll see what happens i guess. Maybe I’m just drastically insecure, who really knows anymore. Looking in the mirror this morning i felt confident in myself, but now that I’m here waiting for the other class to finish, I’m pretty terrified and my stomach is in knots. I feel like i was not prepared for college whatsoever before i came here
I was flipping through an old journal that I had in one of my bags and I found the note that John had left me. I can’t believe that I hadn’t found it sooner. We randomly leave notes like that for each other all the time but it normally isn’t that long before we find them. It was surprising in a way and of course it was rather cute as well :p
Sometimes I realize that I forget about the small things that make me happy, like him leaving me notes or any of the photography that I used to do, painting, or just random small things in my life.
Another thing that makes me happy about being with John is that I constantly know where I stand with him. There isn’t anything to question. I don’t have to wonder why he hasn’t talked to me in over a week or wonder if I will ever hear from him again at all. I know he is mine and that he isn’t going anywhere any time soon. He is always here to pick me up when I end up with shattered spirits for whatever reason. I’m always scared that something will happen and things will change between us, but of course as time passes all people change and I just hope that we can adapt to work with one another. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much energy into our relationship, but I know that anything I put in is definitely worth it. He’s my future and I don’t know where I would be without him beside me. Sometimes I just want to run from the way my life is, or end it on some days, and he always seems to give me reason to keep pushing through anything and everything that I might be faced with.
I know that I am capable of fucking up and making mistakes in our life together, no matter how big or small, and that things will work themselves out no matter what. I mean we’ve managed to get past school stress, job stress, my fucking up and sending overly racy pics to Mattie, him cheating on me with that random slut he didn’t even know, and all sorts of other random complications. Yet in the end we both have realized that we love each other and that is all that actually matters when it comes to the end. Without him I am capable of living, as I had for the first how many years, but that doesn’t mean that I would want to go back to what my life was like before I met him now that I know what it is like to live my life with him by my side. Like right now he has me laughing considering he just went from talking about making random vine videos to half twerking in the middle of the living room while he was putting his COD:MW2 disc in the xbox. I’m assuming that he probable didn’t even realize that he was doing it, as he does random things like that a good majority of the time. Nonetheless it amuses me and it’s quite cute. Ah, and now the mother fucker is eating my trix! He best be happy I love him, that kind of action is asking for a beat down :p
Haha anyway I’m going to quit rambling on and on about my boring life and get back to living it. Maybe if we’re all lucky something interesting will actually happen to me and people won’t be wasting their lives by reading my posts :p I do apologize to anyone who wastes part of their lives reading my long ass posts that won’t change anyone’s lives whatsoever.
Things have been taking a turn for the better the past few days. My aunt Michelle is going to pay for my books for this coming semester. I got my old bank account closed and opened a new one, which actually seems to have money in it, for now :p I’m hoping that everything will work out and things will start looking up for John and I. I know that things have been rather stressful lately and most of it stems from monetary issues. I just can’t make money appear out of thin air however, so we’ve been making it work. I have borrowed a decent amount of money from him, but he will get it back, in time of course. I may have also fixed our internet issue for the meantime anyway! Let’s hope for the best, but of course always expect the worse ;p I still have to somehow manage to pass Intermediate somehow….