For whatever reason I’m being a complete bitch. I have no idea why and no matter what I do to try and avoid it, it just keeps happening anyway. I mean I love John to death and he wants to go out into the pretty drastic snow storm we we have been getting since early this morning. It may have more to do with the fact that if I lose him I will feel responsible, even despite my telling him that it’s a stupid idea to go out in it. I don’t want to risk something happening to him. I trust his driving but everyone else around this city drives around like they are completely oblivious to their surroundings. It’s those belligerent assholes that I don’t trust driving around. I will go with him nonetheless, in the event something would happen and I wouldn’t be there I don’t know how I would feel. At the very least it wouldn’t be a good situation, so I’ll avoid that and just go with him. At this point I’m getting pretty hungry since we never ate lunch, so hopefully he does decide to get food sooner rather than later.
So, I’m pregnant. 4 weeks.That’s not really in the cards for John and I right now. We’ve discussed it. The abortion is scheduled for the end of this month. I’m not going to say it’s necessary but it seems to the best decision for the both of us at the moment. The last thing that either of us needs is a baby to add to our schedule. I love him to death and I want a baby with him, but now’s not a good time. Neither one of us are ready to take that step and be able to deal with everything that comes along with being a parent. I understand that John doesn’t want to consider adoption because he doesn’t think that he would be able to go through with it if we went through the process; so this is the easiest way. It will be like $375 plus a drive to Harrisburg, but in the end it will be worth it. We will both be able to get our lives back and not have to worry about the sea creature doing flips inside my stomach. The sooner things are taken care of the better things will be and we can all get on with our lives, except the fetus of course…
So our internet is still not working whatsoever. This is driving me absolutely nuts. I am looking into switcher providers since there the last thing I want to do after having an 8 am class and then working till after six is to go back to campus to go to the library. Or even on days that I don’t do that I am on campus from 11-6 or 9-6 and it’s just the last thing I want to be doing. I don’t have the energy for it at all. I already feel terrible as it is. I can barely stay awake to function it seems, let alone to do all of the things that I should be doing in a day.
This semester seems to be going alright so far. I have Biology with John, which definitely makes it a lot better than I expected that it would be. I am really not that good at science but it makes the entire experience a lot more tolerable knowing that I don’t have to go through the process feeling like I am alone. It also helps that he is there to explain things if I start getting too overwhelmed.
We went to dinner for John’s birthday on