…Mixed Emotions to Say the Least

So I went through with the abortion. Worst experience I have ever been through, quite honestly. Anyone who says it isn’t unpleasant or painful is a fucking liar. I have a decently high pain tolerance given that I’m used to having gallbladder attacks, even though they already took it out, pretty often. This is a completely different type of pain altogether. The actual experience itself wasn’t that much of an immediate emotional issue like everyone warns, that came much later. I was also thrilled when the doctor performing the surgery decided to heighten his lies and inject more Novocain into my cervix (extremely unpleasant). I had nightmares last night about everything that had happened. I’m hoping that they don’t persist and it was a one time type thing. My family doctor switched the birth control that I was taking and upped my dosage since John apparently has like super sperm that can manage to knock me up despite precautions being taken. I mean that, in theory, is a love hate relationship for me. I dislike that he has good sperm in the sense that it means we have to up my dosage for my birth control(hopefully it doesn’t mess with my emotions and things too much). However, I love that he has awesome sperm in the sense that when we decide that we are ready and can handle a child that it shouldn’t take too much effort for us to actually get me pregnant on purpose.
Aside from all of that I managed to finally put the laundry away today that John brought inside, I cleaned our bedroom and I picked up stuff in the livingroom a little bit. I also sent in an order for things I was buying, cashed my check, balanced my checkbook, went through receipts, changed our bed sheets, worked for my parents for a couple hours, and got a shower. Among a few other miscellaneous things that I’m sure I forgot to mention. Oh, by the way. Today is my birthday…John came out to find me as soon as he woke up this morning and he seemed so cute as he hovered over me and kissed me and told me happy birthday again. He can be astronomically cute sometimes ❤ I love having him in my life and he made my birthday special for me before he had to leave to go to work. I'm glad that I have him in my life, he just encourages me more than any person I have ever met before, no matter what. I love him!

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