Accomplished…I guess

I ended up sleeping until around 11 this morning. It was slightly mind blowing. I realized upon waking up this morning that I am definitely sick. I usually never sleep past 9 and yet, I couldn’t manage to get up this morning at all. Thankfully John managed to find a starter for my car. We had to drive to williamsport to pick it up, but it was definitely worth it. Plus it gave us an excuse to go to taco bell, which was delicious as always. It’s only 8 and I feel pretty tired already. I did however accomplish a 45 minute quiz on classical music, a discussion post with three replies to other people’s posts, which no one cares about of course. On top of those I helped John and helped do his to wit statements for one of his classes. I’m planning on doing some more work, along the lines of economics and math, before John gets home at midnight. I’m also hoping that there is some way I can relax a little since I do feel pretty terrible still. I just want to get enough finished that I can get a shower and settle in for the night. I just like when I can stand in the water, feeling it burn my skin, and I can forget the rest of the world for a while. I, however, also miss having sex with John. Since the abortion, we still are under advisement not to have sex, and I know he has managed to get off since then, but i’ve had absolutely nothing. I miss him, but I’m terrified because I feel like nothing is going to be the same again. I feel like he’s going to be overly freaked out, despite new birth control, and he won’t be able to do things as he did before. Change terrifies me and I’m terrified to lose him if I can’t make him happy, or worse…if he can’t make me happy. I love my life with him, but sometimes it seems as if I’m neglected with certain things and I feel as if I neglect him with most of what I do for him. I just have so many other things that I focus on it’s difficult to relax enough to put the effort in with him sometimes.

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