John came back home after work and we were up for a little while watching Netflix, but then he decided to shower and we went to sleep. I had trouble getting out of bed this morning, even though we went to sleep relatively early. Maybe I slept too long, who really knows with me anymore. I planned on getting a shower when I got up this morning, but with getting up late I actually didn’t have time so I just redid my makeup and ran out the door.
When I got to the office I made some coffee and took care of the normal opening activities. After that I started in on some home work until John came down for lunch. He was here for a little while and finally adjusted the office heat for me. After he left I went back to working on homework. Luckily I managed to get a couple things finished up and I can move on to the next thing on my list later tonight when I get home.
At this point I’ve got about an hour left to my shift, so I’m attempting to tie up some loose ends of the day and get things ready to close the office. There was someone who was supposed to come pick up a copy of their 2015 return today, but they never actually came in. I have an entire book that I need to read by the end of the week and I feel like it’s going to be insanely boring. Between that and the two or three group projects that I’m in the process of things are going to get interesting as I try to meet my deadlines. I took a look at my group Google Doc’s earlier today and so far no one has actually done anything. I mean I can’t really say anything since I haven’t gotten anywhere either… Things are just so hectic that I haven’t had time and I was hoping that someone else would have had the time to pick up a little of my slack, but apparently that was assuming too much.
Sunday I finally got my aunts taxes finished up. Then I started in on another tax return. I got as far as I could with it before I needed more information. There was a health care statement that was missing. Little did I know I actually ended up having to file an amended return and get everything straightened out afterwards. I met John for dinner at Denny’s when he was allowed to go on break. I was glad that he had the time to see me, since I ended up falling asleep pretty directly after I got home. I got back up when he finally made it home and watched some Netflix with him before he was ready to go to bed. He’s been sick so I’ve been sleeping downstairs trying not to catch it for once. Hopefully sleeping in a separate space from him will help. John finally gave me an updated copy of his WWII schedule for this year and I’m hoping that I can actually get the chance to see him here and there during the summer. I know he’s going to be busy, but I’m hoping that for once I might not be that busy. I’m way too afraid to let myself think that I might actually have time to see him for once.
Monday I worked at the Lock Haven office for Jackson Hewitt from 10-7, so I didn’t have time to get much of anything else done. I got a little homework done, but no where near enough to even make a minor dent in what has been piling up.
Yesterday I got a few things taken care of. I gave John the final copy of his taxes to send it for the amendment. Then I had to receive a delivery of sandwiches for a Young Marine fundraiser. I found a return at the office yesterday morning that also caught me off guard a little bit. It had a check that was ready for pickup and no one had called the client in a literal month. At least if they did it hadn’t been properly logged on the folder. So I called him as soon as I could and the voice mail hadn’t been set up yet. I plan to try calling again in a day or so.
Today was terrible. Legitimately. I’ve been half crying or literally crying a majority of the day. I’ve been venting at John, trying not to fight with him, but things are getting increasingly more difficult the higher my stress level gets. I wish there was some way that we could just turn things back a few years before every part of our lives got so fucked. I would kill for him, but lately things are just different and I miss how things used to be. I know that there’s no way to undo the damage that I’ve caused or anything that he’s done, but I need things to change in some way…
First off: This internship with Jackson Hewitt is killing me slowly. It’s been far more time consuming than I EVER expected. It has been one thing after another with working there. We had one intern jump ship shortly after he fulfilled his requirements. Then my manager got a new job so she’s basically gone also. Which leaves me and three other employees to cover two offices. Both of which are open upwards of 40 hours each week and we’re about a month from the end of the tax season so things are about to pick up speed again. The way it stands right now we have two regular employees and two interns left. The other intern and I are still in school, as well one of the regular employees. So that makes it difficult to trade shifts if anything comes up since we’re all tied up with our class schedules.
One of the issues that we’ve run into right at the moment is actually for this coming Monday. No one was on the schedule to cover for me while I was supposed to be in school. Mike, an employee is being borrowed that day by our Williamsport office, so he can’t cover. Meghann, the other employee is scheduled to cover for Mike at the Mill Hall office, so she can’t cover. Then Chris, the other intern, wasn’t on the schedule so he scheduled a job interview after his morning classes are over and he can’t cover. That leaves me, which I could technically skip class as long as I give the professor a heads up about it, but it’s just the principle behind being shorthanded that is irritating. However, the way I look at it work schedules, job interviews, and that sort of thing are vastly more important than the 50 minutes that I would be sitting in class. This being for a class that is basically pointless to attend half the time anyway. So, needless to say, I’m not that upset about skipping it. Especially if I can make an extra $18 instead.
I’ve got a pile of school work that needs to be attended to, but we’re still on break until Monday and unless I feel like working on it, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to get anything done over the next couple days. Tonight I’m headed to a gun raffle dinner event in South Renovo and tomorrow I blocked out most of the day to work on a tax return for my Aunt’s dad. Then I plan on taking it remotely easy since it’s the last day before chaos resumes.
At this point graduation feels like it’s right at my fingertips, yet it feels like it’s just out of reach. I have a lot of obstacles to overcome in the next two months and in a way I feel like every other part of my life is being put on a back burner. Unfortunately, that’s the last place certain aspects of my life should be at the moment. I’m hoping that I can avoid burning too many bridges over the next couple months, but it currently feels like I’m carrying an upside down can of gasoline with every step I take. Things don’t look optimistic at the moment…Hoping and praying can only get one so far. The rest has to come from within and I don’t know if I have it in me anymore. I’m vastly discontented and I don’t know how to fix it. John’s been trying to make me happy, but I’ve just been miserable for far too long that I don’t know how to get back to where I was. I’ve noticed that I keep saying well after this or that it’ll get better, but it never does. We’re definitely in a one step forward, three steps back cycle, and it’s entirely my fault…