Things seem to be blurring together at this point. Everything is so busy and there are still 12 more days until the end of the tax season. I’m ready for it to be over, but I don’t really want to go back to my regular job either. Things are getting increasingly stressful there since no one wants to work. I mean in the grand scheme of things we’re all just going to lose our jobs in the end when my boss decides to retire, so I can see where the frustration is coming from. The guys are both having health complications, Britt’s still off on maternity leave, Jake never comes in, and I’ve been off because of this godforsaken internship so none of the employees are showing up regularly, which is just making things so much worse. Everyone is getting on each other’s nerves and I really want to find another job.
I realized earlier today that to take the CPA exam I would have to put in another semester…which I’m not even sure if I can do right now because I never renewed my FAFSA. I didn’t think that I was going to need it and the whole thing is a giant disaster. At this point I just want to finish up with what I’ve got going on today at the office and go home. I need to calm down, stop worrying about it, and get some things done for school. It doesn’t help that today has been one of those cold, rainy days and it’s just making me increasingly tense. I think I’m definitely going to be going home and drinking for a little while.
I’m so sleep deprived, I’m honestly surprised that I can even see straight half the time. Things with John seem like they’re getting a little better at least, but I haven’t been doing jack shit around the house lately because I’ve primarily been eating, doing homework, or in the shower before I run right back out the door to go to work. Doesn’t help that on top of all that Howard found a bunch of boxes and whatnot that belonged to my mom so I had to sift through them to pull out what all was my stuff.
John came back home after work and we were up for a little while watching Netflix, but then he decided to shower and we went to sleep. I had trouble getting out of bed this morning, even though we went to sleep relatively early. Maybe I slept too long, who really knows with me anymore. I planned on getting a shower when I got up this morning, but with getting up late I actually didn’t have time so I just redid my makeup and ran out the door.
When I got to the office I made some coffee and took care of the normal opening activities. After that I started in on some home work until John came down for lunch. He was here for a little while and finally adjusted the office heat for me. After he left I went back to working on homework. Luckily I managed to get a couple things finished up and I can move on to the next thing on my list later tonight when I get home. At this point I’ve got about an hour left to my shift, so I’m attempting to tie up some loose ends of the day and get things ready to close the office. There was someone who was supposed to come pick up a copy of their 2015 return today, but they never actually came in. I have an entire book that I need to read by the end of the week and I feel like it’s going to be insanely boring. Between that and the two or three group projects that I’m in the process of things are going to get interesting as I try to meet my deadlines. I took a look at my group Google Doc’s earlier today and so far no one has actually done anything. I mean I can’t really say anything since I haven’t gotten anywhere either… Things are just so hectic that I haven’t had time and I was hoping that someone else would have had the time to pick up a little of my slack, but apparently that was assuming too much.
First off: This internship with Jackson Hewitt is killing me slowly. It’s been far more time consuming than I EVER expected. It has been one thing after another with working there. We had one intern jump ship shortly after he fulfilled his requirements. Then my manager got a new job so she’s basically gone also. Which leaves me and three other employees to cover two offices. Both of which are open upwards of 40 hours each week and we’re about a month from the end of the tax season so things are about to pick up speed again. The way it stands right now we have two regular employees and two interns left. The other intern and I are still in school, as well one of the regular employees. So that makes it difficult to trade shifts if anything comes up since we’re all tied up with our class schedules.
One of the issues that we’ve run into right at the moment is actually for this coming Monday. No one was on the schedule to cover for me while I was supposed to be in school. Mike, an employee is being borrowed that day by our Williamsport office, so he can’t cover. Meghann, the other employee is scheduled to cover for Mike at the Mill Hall office, so she can’t cover. Then Chris, the other intern, wasn’t on the schedule so he scheduled a job interview after his morning classes are over and he can’t cover. That leaves me, which I could technically skip class as long as I give the professor a heads up about it, but it’s just the principle behind being shorthanded that is irritating. However, the way I look at it work schedules, job interviews, and that sort of thing are vastly more important than the 50 minutes that I would be sitting in class. This being for a class that is basically pointless to attend half the time anyway. So, needless to say, I’m not that upset about skipping it. Especially if I can make an extra $18 instead.
I’ve got a pile of school work that needs to be attended to, but we’re still on break until Monday and unless I feel like working on it, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to get anything done over the next couple days. Tonight I’m headed to a gun raffle dinner event in South Renovo and tomorrow I blocked out most of the day to work on a tax return for my Aunt’s dad. Then I plan on taking it remotely easy since it’s the last day before chaos resumes.
At this point graduation feels like it’s right at my fingertips, yet it feels like it’s just out of reach. I have a lot of obstacles to overcome in the next two months and in a way I feel like every other part of my life is being put on a back burner. Unfortunately, that’s the last place certain aspects of my life should be at the moment. I’m hoping that I can avoid burning too many bridges over the next couple months, but it currently feels like I’m carrying an upside down can of gasoline with every step I take. Things don’t look optimistic at the moment…Hoping and praying can only get one so far. The rest has to come from within and I don’t know if I have it in me anymore. I’m vastly discontented and I don’t know how to fix it. John’s been trying to make me happy, but I’ve just been miserable for far too long that I don’t know how to get back to where I was. I’ve noticed that I keep saying well after this or that it’ll get better, but it never does. We’re definitely in a one step forward, three steps back cycle, and it’s entirely my fault…
First off, classes start tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. Thank God, I don’t have class until after noon, but still. My work schedule is funky as hell on the days that I have class this semester. For the foreseeable future I’m going to be scheduled open-1 and then 3-close, just long enough for me to go to campus for my class. No sooner do I finish class I have to run back to work to start my afternoon shift. I’m hoping that I can manage to get at least some of my homework done at first while I’m working. At least until I can get some form of a routine down. I’m tired as it is the way I’ve been working. I’m really hoping that adding classes into the mix doesn’t completely overwhelm me.
My mom is also coming to town tomorrow. So we’ll see how that goes…
The hours that I have been putting in between my internship at Jackson Hewitt and the hours that I’ve been getting at my regular job are slowly starting to take their toll. I’ve been trying to make sure that I get enough sleep, because at this point I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of groggy. I started getting a touch of a cough back over the last few days. Luckily, I still had that inhaler from when I had bronchitis; so I’ve been trying to remember to take periodic hits off every four hours or so just to try and get ahead of any cold that I might be getting. The last thing I want is to be sick for the first day of classes. I’m pretty sure that this week is my last week of “freedom” before the spring semester starts back up. I wouldn’t say that I really have much free time to do anything fun before the semester starts, but I’m going to try to squeeze something into my schedule.
As bad as it sounds, I’ve had to basically put John on a back burner for the moment. I’ve had to put a major focus on the Jackson Hewitt internship. I have to log at least 120 hours in the span of 15 weeks. The internship eliminates one of my classes at least, so it does help in that regard. However, it does cut into some of the time that I typically spend at my actual job. Thus far my actual job has been really understanding about the whole thing, but I feel bad because I know they need me there to do my job too. I feel like I’ve spread myself a little too thin in the way of the commitments that I have right now, but it’s too late to back out of any of my current responsibilities. I just don’t want John to get upset and feel like I’m neglecting him, because the way I see it I definitely am neglecting him, but I don’t know what else to do. At the same time though, he’s 22 and if he can’t manage to take care of himself until I graduate in May, we’ve got more problems than just my neglect.
John and I had one of our ¾ of the night long discussions the other night as well. I was honest with him about how I thought I had gotten over Matt, but apparently I haven’t. He proceeded to give me an ultimatum about how if I don’t manage to get over it in the next 10-15 years that it was going to be a problem. He didn’t specify whether he would leave or what, but it’s been bothering me. Why would I want to put 10-15 years into a relationship, if he’s just going to leave me anyway? It would be monumentally devastating if he left, but I understand where he’s coming from. Why should he put the time and effort in to a relationship with me if he think he has to worry about me running off with Matt some day. It’s a catch twenty-two situation though, because although I am interested in Matt, I don’t know that I would want an actual relationship with him, but I don’t know that I wouldn’t want one either. There’s no way to know and the not knowing is what drives me crazy. At the same time I can’t imagine coming home and not having John there. John is literally my best friend, and we definitely get each other. We have so much fun together and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
As 2016 comes to a close I can honestly say that I’m more than ready for it to be over. I’m not one for making New Year’s Resolutions or anything of that nature, but I do think the concept is intriguing. However, anyone who sets goals just at the beginning of a year is just plain crazy in my book. I don’t know how people can go through life and not continuously reevaluate and adapt their goals whenever they see fit. Whether it’s daily, weekly, monthly, etc… once a year just isn’t enough in my opinion.
This is one of the first times that I haven’t had any solid New Year’s Eve plans. No one offered and I didn’t think of any specific person that I would want to do anything with. There’s always John, but I actually don’t know if he has plans of his own. He had been tossing around the idea of going to hang out with Crestani, but I haven’t heard any updates on that in a couple days.
At the moment I’m just in a weird mood. I haven’t figured out if I’m just stressed out or what the deal is. Seems to be that nothing that I try to do has been effectively making me happy the way that it should. Food isn’t as satisfying, I’m consistently distracted, and I don’t know what I want to do after graduation…which is coming quicker than I’m prepared for. Don’t get me wrong I want to be done with college, but I have no clue what I want to do after I finish. It’s not like I even have that many hobbies to keep me occupied. One of the things that I’m concerned about is that I’m not going to be able to find something that I like to do and it would result in me becoming increasingly clingy towards John. We live together and everything, but I try to give him some space at the same time.
Needless to say I’m just hoping that 2017 might be a little better than the last few years. I have a sliver of hope that it will be, but it isn’t exactly starting off that great…
This weekend has been one to remember. Neither John, nor I had much of anything going on yesterday so we bailed on any perspective plans and spent the day together. Once he woke up we decided to get lunch in State College at CC Peppers for cheese steaks. Afterwards we went to a movie and saw the next installment in the Bourne series, Jason Bourne. It was interesting to say the least. I think the prices are starting to get kinda ridiculous when it comes to their concession options though. I think for popcorn and a drink it was over $10. The actual movie price was only like $8 a ticket which didn’t seem too high. Either way I had a nice time, and I’m hoping he did also. Once we got back home we did some miscellaneous grocery shopping and then grabbed a quick pizza for dinner. Then once we got around to getting food today we went to The Old Corner and hung out for a couple hours. Since then I had to go to work, and John will be going in shortly as well. Once I finish working I think I am going to go home, take a quick nap, and then see about cleaning up a little bit until I have to give my moms car back later tonight.
I wish that every weekend could be like this, but unfortunately I go back to school soon and I’m sure things are going to get hectic.
This past weekend I went to Pittsburg to another Unit Management Conference for my internship. It’s definitely intriguing to get to interact with other people that are involved with the Young Marine organization. Seeing people come together from all around the country to help a bunch of kids is something I didn’t think I would ever be involved in, but things change over time. I have a love/hate relationship with the entire organization.
It has been pouring since this morning. I decided not to go to class because I didn’t want to have to deal with the rain. On top of that by the time I woke up I didn’t have time to get a shower, get ready, eat, and then go to class. So I would have had to toss my hair up and go like that, which I really didn’t want to do. I hate walking into class looking like a hot mess…even if parts of my life are a hot mess. Haha, either way I stayed home and took care of some homework and got my stuff around for work. I’ve been discouraged with college, so I’ve been avoiding doing the work that I know I need to do.
Once John got up we decided to go get lunch at Wendy’s and I haven’t felt that well since. It’s been several hours since I ate and you’d think I’d feel a little bit better by now, but whatever. The effects will wear off eventually. I got a few things done while working and I have to get ready to go meet Howard, my step-dad, for dinner. After that I’ll probably go clean for my parents once he’s done watching Jeopardy. I’m actually surprised that I know a few of the answers to their miscellaneous questions, but I guess that is the overall point.
At this point I’m petrified that I’m going to fail a couple of my classes. One of my professors has yet to grade any of our tests, so that leaves me to wonder how well I’m actually doing in that class. Then there’s another class that I know that I’m doing poorly in, but that I just don’t understand. Even sitting through the classes or talking to the professor about it just translates to gibberish when I try to process the information. Even reading through the textbook for that class doesn’t get me very far overall. It has me so frustrated at this point that I don’t even like to think about the class although I know that I really should get my head out of my ass and get my life together. It might be a little easier, but my car is broken…AGAIN! In theory this also might just be yet another excuse that I’m using to avoid my responsibilities.
It’s such a catch twenty-two situation with me that I know I procrastinate, but I keep letting myself do it anyway. I know that I have too much on my plate, but I don’t do seem to be doing anything to make it any more simplistic. I just avoid the things I need to do, which in reality doesn’t help anyone.
We’ve been getting miscellaneous phone calls for a Sarah Miller over the past few weeks and just now tonight we received another call for a Melissa Miller. At this rate I’m just curious as to who they were. It makes me wonder if they were related, maybe sister or mother/daughter. Things like this are oddly intriguing to me and generally appeal to my wonderment of those around me. Some of the calls come from general numbers and others pop up as “unknown caller” which I think is even more interesting. One of the “unknown” numbers has called for both Melissa and Sarah at this point. Maybe it’s coincidence altogether, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe we’ll never know…
Crestani spent the night last night as well. He might bother me sometimes, but in small doses he really doesn’t drive me all that nuts. I mean he’s always an arrogant ass, but I’m growing fonder of him as time goes on. I’m not sure if fond is the right word, but it fits I guess. I’d care if he ended up dead, but he poses no threat to my relationship with John, if that clarifies the fondness I mean. We talk to each other here and there. Typically every couple days at this point we exchange a few snap chats, but that’s about all. I’m pretty happy with the place that we’ve fallen into together. Whether he likes me or not, and whether I like him or not, I’m glad that we can be civil and share for John’s sake. I mean I get a few perks by being “friends” with Crestani as well, but overall I’m just glad that John has someone even resembling a friend that he can confide in. Anymore I guess that I’m glad it gives me someone who I can talk to if I’m bored as well. It’s not like I really have many other friends, especially ones that I would want to know much about me. I don’t like opening up to others and I know that when it comes down to it guys usually share miscellaneous information with their friends, so John would probably tell him some of the stuff anyway. There hasn’t really been anything specific that I’ve talked to him about, but knowing it’s an option is always nice I guess.
The second appraisal came back at the exact dollar amount that we ha offered. Which isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I’ll definitely take it. It makes me happy to know that we are one step closer to being able to buy the house. I’m really hoping that things work out because although this house is slightly small it’s something that I really like and there’s still enough room that we would be able to add on or at least remodel a little without worrying about space issues too much. On top of that the neighborhood appears to be pretty quiet, which I will value unbelievably.
I get all four of my wisdom teeth removed this coming Tuesday and I’m basically petrified of what it’s going to feel like after. I will be under anesthesia during the surgery, but eventually the medication will wear off. I’m hoping that John will be able to help me pick up my prescription before he leaves for work so that I’m not miserable. He has to work on Tuesday night and I’m concerned that I’m going to need help from him and he won’t be there. I’ve never had any form of dental surgery before, so I’m sure I’m overreacting, but still. I’m just beyond grateful that he’ll be able to take me there and drive me home after. I feel bad that he might not be able to eat lunch at Ponderosa, but at least he got to when we had to go for the surgery consultation.
Aside from that I have exactly seven days until I’m done with my second summer class and I cannot wait until everything is finished up. I want to have the extra time to be able to pack and get things around before we go back to school again. I already started buying a few of the supplies that I’m going to need when we go back, especially since I’ve been off work here and there with my wrist since they have found that there is some form of bone lesion that caused the fracture. I don’t even know where to start with that considering the first specialist I was sent to said he didn’t see the fracture or lesion and the only reason he didn’t cast my wrist was because it’s summer and I can’t effectively wash my wrist if it’s casted. On top of being inconsistent he managed to leave my exam three different times to go deal with other patients, and then when his nurse came in to put a different brace on my wrist she had to go through three different boxes until she found a right handed brace, because almost all of their braces were in the wrong boxes… Needless to say my actual doctor instantly referred me to another specialist, but I can’t see him until the 27th. In the mean time I’m on some random steroids, God only knows what they’re supposed to be for.