John came back home after work and we were up for a little while watching Netflix, but then he decided to shower and we went to sleep. I had trouble getting out of bed this morning, even though we went to sleep relatively early. Maybe I slept too long, who really knows with me anymore. I planned on getting a shower when I got up this morning, but with getting up late I actually didn’t have time so I just redid my makeup and ran out the door.
When I got to the office I made some coffee and took care of the normal opening activities. After that I started in on some home work until John came down for lunch. He was here for a little while and finally adjusted the office heat for me. After he left I went back to working on homework. Luckily I managed to get a couple things finished up and I can move on to the next thing on my list later tonight when I get home.
At this point I’ve got about an hour left to my shift, so I’m attempting to tie up some loose ends of the day and get things ready to close the office. There was someone who was supposed to come pick up a copy of their 2015 return today, but they never actually came in. I have an entire book that I need to read by the end of the week and I feel like it’s going to be insanely boring. Between that and the two or three group projects that I’m in the process of things are going to get interesting as I try to meet my deadlines. I took a look at my group Google Doc’s earlier today and so far no one has actually done anything. I mean I can’t really say anything since I haven’t gotten anywhere either… Things are just so hectic that I haven’t had time and I was hoping that someone else would have had the time to pick up a little of my slack, but apparently that was assuming too much.
First off: This internship with Jackson Hewitt is killing me slowly. It’s been far more time consuming than I EVER expected. It has been one thing after another with working there. We had one intern jump ship shortly after he fulfilled his requirements. Then my manager got a new job so she’s basically gone also. Which leaves me and three other employees to cover two offices. Both of which are open upwards of 40 hours each week and we’re about a month from the end of the tax season so things are about to pick up speed again. The way it stands right now we have two regular employees and two interns left. The other intern and I are still in school, as well one of the regular employees. So that makes it difficult to trade shifts if anything comes up since we’re all tied up with our class schedules.
One of the issues that we’ve run into right at the moment is actually for this coming Monday. No one was on the schedule to cover for me while I was supposed to be in school. Mike, an employee is being borrowed that day by our Williamsport office, so he can’t cover. Meghann, the other employee is scheduled to cover for Mike at the Mill Hall office, so she can’t cover. Then Chris, the other intern, wasn’t on the schedule so he scheduled a job interview after his morning classes are over and he can’t cover. That leaves me, which I could technically skip class as long as I give the professor a heads up about it, but it’s just the principle behind being shorthanded that is irritating. However, the way I look at it work schedules, job interviews, and that sort of thing are vastly more important than the 50 minutes that I would be sitting in class. This being for a class that is basically pointless to attend half the time anyway. So, needless to say, I’m not that upset about skipping it. Especially if I can make an extra $18 instead.
I’ve got a pile of school work that needs to be attended to, but we’re still on break until Monday and unless I feel like working on it, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to get anything done over the next couple days. Tonight I’m headed to a gun raffle dinner event in South Renovo and tomorrow I blocked out most of the day to work on a tax return for my Aunt’s dad. Then I plan on taking it remotely easy since it’s the last day before chaos resumes.
At this point graduation feels like it’s right at my fingertips, yet it feels like it’s just out of reach. I have a lot of obstacles to overcome in the next two months and in a way I feel like every other part of my life is being put on a back burner. Unfortunately, that’s the last place certain aspects of my life should be at the moment. I’m hoping that I can avoid burning too many bridges over the next couple months, but it currently feels like I’m carrying an upside down can of gasoline with every step I take. Things don’t look optimistic at the moment…Hoping and praying can only get one so far. The rest has to come from within and I don’t know if I have it in me anymore. I’m vastly discontented and I don’t know how to fix it. John’s been trying to make me happy, but I’ve just been miserable for far too long that I don’t know how to get back to where I was. I’ve noticed that I keep saying well after this or that it’ll get better, but it never does. We’re definitely in a one step forward, three steps back cycle, and it’s entirely my fault…
The hours that I have been putting in between my internship at Jackson Hewitt and the hours that I’ve been getting at my regular job are slowly starting to take their toll. I’ve been trying to make sure that I get enough sleep, because at this point I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of groggy. I started getting a touch of a cough back over the last few days. Luckily, I still had that inhaler from when I had bronchitis; so I’ve been trying to remember to take periodic hits off every four hours or so just to try and get ahead of any cold that I might be getting. The last thing I want is to be sick for the first day of classes. I’m pretty sure that this week is my last week of “freedom” before the spring semester starts back up. I wouldn’t say that I really have much free time to do anything fun before the semester starts, but I’m going to try to squeeze something into my schedule.
As bad as it sounds, I’ve had to basically put John on a back burner for the moment. I’ve had to put a major focus on the Jackson Hewitt internship. I have to log at least 120 hours in the span of 15 weeks. The internship eliminates one of my classes at least, so it does help in that regard. However, it does cut into some of the time that I typically spend at my actual job. Thus far my actual job has been really understanding about the whole thing, but I feel bad because I know they need me there to do my job too. I feel like I’ve spread myself a little too thin in the way of the commitments that I have right now, but it’s too late to back out of any of my current responsibilities. I just don’t want John to get upset and feel like I’m neglecting him, because the way I see it I definitely am neglecting him, but I don’t know what else to do. At the same time though, he’s 22 and if he can’t manage to take care of himself until I graduate in May, we’ve got more problems than just my neglect.
John and I had one of our ¾ of the night long discussions the other night as well. I was honest with him about how I thought I had gotten over Matt, but apparently I haven’t. He proceeded to give me an ultimatum about how if I don’t manage to get over it in the next 10-15 years that it was going to be a problem. He didn’t specify whether he would leave or what, but it’s been bothering me. Why would I want to put 10-15 years into a relationship, if he’s just going to leave me anyway? It would be monumentally devastating if he left, but I understand where he’s coming from. Why should he put the time and effort in to a relationship with me if he think he has to worry about me running off with Matt some day. It’s a catch twenty-two situation though, because although I am interested in Matt, I don’t know that I would want an actual relationship with him, but I don’t know that I wouldn’t want one either. There’s no way to know and the not knowing is what drives me crazy. At the same time I can’t imagine coming home and not having John there. John is literally my best friend, and we definitely get each other. We have so much fun together and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
My internship training started off being a little discouraging. There is just a lot of work that needs to be done. Today we all took the mid-term styled exam for the first half of the book. I managed to get a score high enough to pass for the exam. I just want the training to be over at this point. I don’t think that I’ll mind the job part of it that much. Going through the training on my own, as opposed to in a group, would be much more beneficial to the way that I learn. I guess it wouldn’t be as bad, but I have trouble following along the way that Miriam, my boss, is going over the information. She seems to be glossing over certain sections that we end up needing more detailed information from those sections and then we have to go double back and recap. I would be much better off if I could just take the extra time and read through the entire chapter.
Aside from that I have at least been getting along with my fellow interns fairly well. It was a little weird at first, but I think we’ve broken through most of the initial awkwardness. Them finding a local dead body upstairs definitely managed to bring us together as a group. Having that day in common gave us something to unite us together, even if it did come at the expense of some random woman. I mean what are the odds that she was found a few days after we started our internship considering she had been dead for, they believe, about a year and a half.
Still hasn’t been any progress with our pipes from what I can tell either. I know that John had some plans, but the holiday and the weather have been throwing a bit of a wrench into things. I just wish there was a way that I could magically fix all our plumbing issues and take some of the stress off of his current situation. I feel terrible, but I know that if I push him too hard he’s just going to implode. At the same time however, I can DYING to be able to shower in my own bathroom again. Hell, it’s been at least two months…and I can definitely say it’s starting to become increasingly frustrating by the day. I’m starting to get upset with John over it, although I know there isn’t much he can do at the moment, which is making me feel even worse about it…