January is flying by…

The hours that I have been putting in between my internship at Jackson Hewitt and the hours that I’ve been getting at my regular job are slowly starting to take their toll. I’ve been trying to make sure that I get enough sleep, because at this point I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of groggy. I started getting a touch of a cough back over the last few days. Luckily, I still had that inhaler from when I had bronchitis; so I’ve been trying to remember to take periodic hits off every four hours or so just to try and get ahead of any cold that I might be getting. The last thing I want is to be sick for the first day of classes. I’m pretty sure that this week is my last week of “freedom” before the spring semester starts back up. I wouldn’t say that I really have much free time to do anything fun before the semester starts, but I’m going to try to squeeze something into my schedule.

As bad as it sounds, I’ve had to basically put John on a back burner for the moment. I’ve had to put a major focus on the Jackson Hewitt internship. I have to log at least 120 hours in the span of 15 weeks. The internship eliminates one of my classes at least, so it does help in that regard. However, it does cut into some of the time that I typically spend at my actual job. Thus far my actual job has been really understanding about the whole thing, but I feel bad because I know they need me there to do my job too. I feel like I’ve spread myself a little too thin in the way of the commitments that I have right now, but it’s too late to back out of any of my current responsibilities. I just don’t want John to get upset and feel like I’m neglecting him, because the way I see it I definitely am neglecting him, but I don’t know what else to do. At the same time though, he’s 22 and if he can’t manage to take care of himself until I graduate in May, we’ve got more problems than just my neglect.

John and I had one of our ¾ of the night long discussions the other night as well. I was honest with him about how I thought I had gotten over Matt, but apparently I haven’t. He proceeded to give me an ultimatum about how if I don’t manage to get over it in the next 10-15 years that it was going to be a problem. He didn’t specify whether he would leave or what, but it’s been bothering me. Why would I want to put 10-15 years into a relationship, if he’s just going to leave me anyway? It would be monumentally devastating if he left, but I understand where he’s coming from. Why should he put the time and effort in to a relationship with me if he think he has to worry about me running off with Matt some day. It’s a catch twenty-two situation though, because although I am interested in Matt, I don’t know that I would want an actual relationship with him, but I don’t know that I wouldn’t want one either. There’s no way to know and the not knowing is what drives me crazy. At the same time I can’t imagine coming home and not having John there. John is literally my best friend, and we definitely get each other. We have so much fun together and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

 

Nothing goes quite like planned…

Summer isn’t exactly going as planned. In one aspect I’ve definitely gotten to spend more time with John, which is a definite plus. On the other hand I still haven’t gotten to get as much done as I was planning to. I need to step up my game a little bit, even if I don’t physically feel up to par.

Physically I have been feeling better in some ways and worse in others. My stomach has only flared up a few times in the past month, but I’ve been having joint pain and really frequent headaches. My health insurance is in the process of being renewed so I haven’t had a follow up with a doctor recently, but I’ve been documenting the symptoms when I remember to and I’ll deal with it once my insurance gets straightened out. The joint pain seems to be hitting my knees the most that I have noticed. I keep switching back and forth between keeping them bent and straightening them out. However, after a couple minutes they seem to be irritated no matter what position they are in and I have to switch or fidget around. Of course it gets a little better when I take naproxen, so the unpleasantness seems to be coming from some sort of inflammation. When I am working I have noticed that my elbows, towards the inside, are unpleasant if I even remotely touch them to my desk or attempt to rest them there momentarily. The fevers have been random from what I can tell. The headaches have been the worst of it though. They’ve been almost daily. Sometimes Excedrine Migraine pills help and other times they don’t even tough the symptoms. I’ve experimented with my caffeine intake, sugar intake, and eating habits in general and nothing seems to be the trigger. Exercise doesn’t seem to affect them either, so at this point I don’t know what they are coming from and it’s driving me crazy. My sleep schedule has also been affected as well. Up until now in my life I have never had a problem with sleep, but lately I have been having a tough time falling asleep and seem to wake up a lot during the night. Waking up is partially due to the ridiculous nightmares that I’ve been having, also almost on a nightly basis. I just feel like even when I’m sleeping I’m not getting decent rest.

I did finally get around to putting my laundry away, then folded John’s, and put most of his away. We started a movie before he went to work earlier and he wants to finish it later tonight. So I’m supposed to be sleeping, but instead I’m writing this because I couldn’t fall asleep. I should probably have given some thought to what we were going to eat for dinner, but I haven’t managed to do that either. We have a frozen pizza, so odds are that I will probably just make that tonight so it’s easier to deal with.

I have felt sort of depressive over the last week or so. That might have been from the events of this week, but this past week was more difficult than most. As my car was going to run out of inspection I borrowed one from John’s parents since they had an extra. When I went to start it I heard a loud pop and white smoke started pouring from under the hood. Of course I shut the car off as soon as my brain processed what was going on, but there was still damage. John ordered the parts that he needs to fix most of it, but there was still a part that he couldn’t find online. As far as I know he plans on going to see if he can find one used. I had planned on using their car for the foreseeable future, but that ended up not being an option.  My parents then bought another car, but they bought a PT Cruzer, which I dislike. I am hoping that my mom decides to drive that and then I can have her older car, but we’ll see which she ends up picking. I ended up selling my old, uninspected car to my co-worker Bryan. He knew what all was wrong with the car, but he wanted it anyway.

On the Brink of the Spring Semester

The spring semester for college starts in about two and a half hours. I’ve yet to figure out exactly how I feel about it yet. A couple of my books, that I ordered from Amazon, have been delayed because of the weather. There still hasn’t been an update about when they will be delivered. I’m just hoping that they get here before I have any assignments due. Today I went with Emily when she picked up her books and I saw one of the books that I was supposed to get for my auditing class, and it looks a lot different from the book that actually came. Luckily, my favorite professor is teaching that class, so I’m hoping that it won’t be a huge deal that it might not be exactly what I need. Aside from the textbooks, I’m just hoping that the semester goes smoothly and that I can still have time to make my work schedule and things function together properly.

Since I got home earlier I have been working on cleaning up, doing some more dishes, and trying to get things organized before classes start. I’m excited to have John come back home from work. I hope, however, that he can make it back here safely since the weather isn’t the greatest. I might try to sleep a little before he comes home so that I can stay up with him once he gets home. I try to, but sometimes I’m just so tired I have trouble staying awake by the time that he gets off work and finally gets home. I wish that I could spend more time with him when I’m actually awake, but our schedules just don’t really allow for that unfortunately. In one aspect I feel as if we are drifting apart, but at the same time I love him more than anything and I value having him as my life partner. I love that he’s there to share my daily events with and my future plans. I occasionally think about how much I’d like to have a child with him, but it’s just never the right time. I know that we need to wait and having the “perfect” timing on our child feels like the only real way to even slightly make up for having an abortion previously. It’s one of those things that gets to me when I think about it because I know there’s truly no way to make up for it, but I feel that I have to try. I can’t change what has already been done. The only thing that we can do is change what happens from here on out.

Well…now I’ve managed to upset myself and I need to sleep a little before John gets home. So until next time, good luck with your own lives!

Desperately Wish to Sleep

So I have a ridiculous amount of things that I need to finish today. At the very least most of the apartment is already clean. I do however need to work on John’s computer homework, do my computer homework, go to the bank, finish my health labs, take a quiz, study for the two exams that I missed and am making up on Tuesday, take a movie back that we rented, call my grandparents, get nine volt batteries, and a few other miscellaneous things. All of which I should be working on, but instead I am sitting here updating my blog. Not really sure that this counts as productive, but hey why not.
Not much has happened recently at all. I went back to classes, which is just as pointless as ever. We thought that the fridge was leaking the other day but it turns out that the jugs of water that were on top of the fridge started to leak for whatever reason. So I called my landlord and waited around for a few hours just for him to tell me that I could have handled the problem myself. I need to go to finish cleaning the bank however, since I didn’t finish it Friday night. I probably should have, but I suck, so of course I didn’t finish. Ultimately, however, I just want to sleep. I was going to start my homework last night but I ended up falling asleep on my couch for most of the night. I just have no energy and I cannot stay awake no matter how much I try. I’m really hoping that my mono isn’t starting to act up again. The second I lie my head down I just start drifting off to sleep. My current mission go get some coffee and go clean the stupid bank…
John is currently packing up at Boalsburg since the timeline event ends today. I hope that I can make it work so that I am home and everything is done before he gets back just since I haven’t seen him since Friday morning, but we’ll figure it out either way I guess.