Over the summer we started having drainage complications with our pipes. At the time I didn’t think anything of it and it has just gotten increasingly worse. For the past month we’ve been trying to avoid using our sewer lines at all if we can help it. Needless to say that’s been a giant pain in the ass. I’m approaching my breaking point with the entire situation unfortunately. It hit me pretty hard this morning and by the time I got to work it was bothering me a lot. So I, more or less, gave John an informal ultimatum about the pipes. I know that he has been hard on himself about the entire thing, so I didn’t really want to push him at first because I knew it would just make things worse. However, the ground is going to start freezing and if he doesn’t do anything about it then we won’t be able to replace the pipes until spring. If we have to wait until spring it’s going to drive me completely crazy by then. Hell, it’s already driving me crazy now. I’m just hoping that he doesn’t get upset with me for pushing him to get it done. It’s been worse because they’ve had him working days and it’s dark before he even gets home. Getting him to get up before work is like trying to pull teeth and stresses me out even more… There aren’t too many options to work with here and I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do if he doesn’t get moving on this project.

I would hate to think of him as a “starter”, but that’s kinda what it looks like at the moment. He has a handful of projects that I’ve noticed he started, but the odds and ends never get finished. There’s minor painting of the trim in the gun room that still needs attended to, the carpet needs laid, and a door needs made for the attic. Then the other day I was standing in the driveway while he was at work, just looking around, and noticed that he hadn’t finished staining the outdoor table that we’ve had for a while. I know there are a few projects that he has definitely finished, but there are also several that are still sitting in queue waiting for his attention. Maybe I’ll actually have a decent amount of time to help him after May.

At this rate I’m so looking forward to being done with school. I’m just terrified that I’m not going to be able to find a job. I have no idea what I even want to do and I feel like I’m not qualified to do any of it even if I did see that someone was hiring. I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. At this point, I don’t feel like I even care what I do for a job, since working isn’t what I want to do anyway. I would much rather be a house wife than anything else at this rate. I desperately wish I had the time to do the things that need done around the house and it kills me that I can’t.


Accomplished…I guess

I ended up sleeping until around 11 this morning. It was slightly mind blowing. I realized upon waking up this morning that I am definitely sick. I usually never sleep past 9 and yet, I couldn’t manage to get up this morning at all. Thankfully John managed to find a starter for my car. We had to drive to williamsport to pick it up, but it was definitely worth it. Plus it gave us an excuse to go to taco bell, which was delicious as always. It’s only 8 and I feel pretty tired already. I did however accomplish a 45 minute quiz on classical music, a discussion post with three replies to other people’s posts, which no one cares about of course. On top of those I helped John and helped do his to wit statements for one of his classes. I’m planning on doing some more work, along the lines of economics and math, before John gets home at midnight. I’m also hoping that there is some way I can relax a little since I do feel pretty terrible still. I just want to get enough finished that I can get a shower and settle in for the night. I just like when I can stand in the water, feeling it burn my skin, and I can forget the rest of the world for a while. I, however, also miss having sex with John. Since the abortion, we still are under advisement not to have sex, and I know he has managed to get off since then, but i’ve had absolutely nothing. I miss him, but I’m terrified because I feel like nothing is going to be the same again. I feel like he’s going to be overly freaked out, despite new birth control, and he won’t be able to do things as he did before. Change terrifies me and I’m terrified to lose him if I can’t make him happy, or worse…if he can’t make me happy. I love my life with him, but sometimes it seems as if I’m neglected with certain things and I feel as if I neglect him with most of what I do for him. I just have so many other things that I focus on it’s difficult to relax enough to put the effort in with him sometimes.